Hmmmm??????

Okay I've been meaning to start blogging about happy things because, man as I am going back and reading my blogs they seem a little depressing and down. I mean it helps me release my inner feelings but come on now I know my life is not that bad. I just stress too much.

Anyways, my BFF calls me back today after I left her a message on Monday and we chit chat a while and we rarely talk or see each other. So I ask her how my God son's bithday was and she said that they really didn't do much, that they went bowling and it was really last minute planning. So I was okay but mind you no matter how short of a notice something is she always usually tells me. Then she tells me that she is back with her ex-boyfriend. So that said everything to me. Then when I look at her myspace picture there was a lot of people at my God son's birthday. That really hurt my feelings.

There is more to this but I will try to make it brief. Everytime she breaks up with someone or if she has problems of course she turns to me and I know that is what Best Friends are for but why is it that when I have a problem she doesn't have time for me. I know friends have their own lives, they may not talk to each other all the time or even see each other but when they do it is like time they've seen each other just the other day. I guess I am feeling really hurt. I mean I go out of my way for her. When she was sad I put some time aside just to keep her mind off things, when she was hungry while she was at work I would stop by and bring her some dinner, if she felt like getting away I would gather all the girls and have a girls night out. Mainly if she needed me I am always there for her. I think it is when she has a BF she totally forgets about me. This has been going on for years and I've talked to her about me feeling like I am being used but it has never changed and in my heart if someone needs help or is down and they turn to me I can never deny them. My heart always tells me to help them out. Jason is always asking me or should I say telling me that "You always help everyone when they need you but why is it that when you need them they are not around." I jokingly reply with "I don't need them because I have you babe." but he knows that is a lie because he knows that sometimes my friends fill a part of me that is missing. I don't know if that makes sense.

I have a place for everyone in my heart but sometimes when you are let down so much you don't want to have to deal with that person. So I have decided that I am not going to stress myself out with this I just needed to vent. I have my God, my Jason, my family and my other lovely friends. This might have been pointless but typing out all my feelings on this situation helped me a lot. So I am very sorry if this seemed really pointless.